Touch: A Poem

Photo by Christopher Campbell on Unsplash

Touch, a simple thing that is said and done

It’s hard to see if you're going to be the one.

I’m lying in bed, naked with thoughts running in my mind

Your hands and in mine, intertwined.

It feels as though it’s been forever since we last touched

I want it to last forever but it feels so rushed.

You have to go home to the white picket fence dream

While I’m here alone with low self-esteem.

Every single insecurity of mine is a disease

Yet having you around cures these insecurities.

When your sitting next to be at a bar with your hand on my knees

It’s a rare moment that you and I have to seize.

The porn you watch I mimick the moans

Even before I take off all my clothes.

I act like honey drips from my southern lips

As you clutch onto my hips.

Photo by Emiliano Vittoriosi on Unsplash

But now you're gone back to your four-bedroom home

While my hands are here left to roam.

Across my honey-colored skin near the lace trim of my underwear

My fingers reaching the center there.

Your hands can make my body feel beautiful and divine

But I’m invincible when I use mine.

Electrical pulses running through my muscles

Exploring those undiscovered tunnels.

When I feel like I’m floating in the stars

I light up another few cigars.

I watch the smoke disintegrate into the air

As my hands run softly through my hair.

You can make me feel less lonely on those hot and stormy nights

But in the mornings we are in the middle of our fights.

Your life very different than mine with your friends, parties, ivy league, your girlfriend, and your money

Those secrets I know, even the ones you kept from me.

But there’s fulfillment when you are gone

My independence and drive gone far beyond.

I no longer fake my urges and hunger for you

So I’ll later forget to call you.

Instead, I’ll leave your messages on seen

As I see your name appear on my phone screen.

I’ll allow myself to stand and sleep alone

In the shower and bath washing away your cologne

“Touch me” you groan when we’re finally alone

My body was given to you as though I’m disowned.

But push you away as you begged me to stay

“No more,” I say “don’t touch me again”.

“I’ve faked the love, the moans, and the lust

I can’t replace the love that’s lost”.

You slam the apartment door, angry of the rejection

I look over to the mirror at my reflection.

My body can be pure, perfect and flawed

With red and white marks you’ve clawed.

I instead I admire the flaws there are

Bruises, cuts, scars and stretch marks.

Photo by Jana Sabeth on Unsplash

But nothing can replace the love I give to myself

Every night alone and I’m compelled.

It’s not scary to be alone without you anymore

Because my body and my mind are no longer at war.