Silenced Conversations

A Poem

Did you know that a baby’s DNA remains

inside our bodies,

manipulating and multiplying for decades to come.

They’re still inside of us, no matter

how early or late we miscarried,

they are part of us biologically and emotionally

no matter what.

When we talk about miscarriage why do we

always sympathize with straight couples?

Couples who are together or are there for each other no matter what.

Why don’t we talk about the single women, the young women or the unplanned women and their miscarriages?

Why do we focus on how miscarriage is a burden on women in relationships,

yet a ‘blessing’ to single mothers?

‘They’re not ready for a baby’ they might say

but they don’t know how much they prepared

for that life to enter the world.

I’m not saying that miscarriage doesn’t hurt any more or any less,

but why don’t we sympathize to women who don’t have children with fathers

or teen mothers who are still figuring out their lives,

just after losing a life?

Why do we only mourn the miscarriages of happily married couples and

not the single mothers who lost their babies as well?

Why do we say ‘it’s a sign’ or ‘that’s just life’ to them instead of giving

them a shoulder to cry on?

Why do we judge them and accuse them of being too ‘emotionally

invested’ in something that ‘was never going to work out?’

I understand that not every pregnancy is perfect and planned,

all circumstances change.

Early, middle or late,

the loss of life instead their bodies have great

impact on their lives.

With a father or not,

they leave a gaping hole inside of us.

But why do we silence of lines of communication when it comes

to young or single mothers miscarrying?

Why do we ignore their woes and tell them to move on?

They could’ve had a family with their unborn daughter

or son.

Is it because we prefer two parents and a child, instead of

one parent and a child?

Is it because we’re focused on idyllic and conventionalist family

dynamics?

Why don’t we talk about their pain?

They’re doing it alone, they’re coping alone and now they’re

mourning alone.

Whether it be in hospital beds, on bathroom floors or at home

in bed.

With or without a father or significant other, we judge

those young and single mothers

more harshly than we judge expectant mothers and fathers.

We refuse to give them a shoulder, and instead, we act as

though their loss wasn’t a loss.

But it really is.

To have had a life inside and then to have lost it,

really does leave a space emptiness

in our souls and in our lives.

So unsilence the conversation about

who’s miscarriage we should mourn more,

and start mourning each and every single

miscarriage

regardless of circumstance.