In My Dreams: A Poem
White clouds and the bright sun
Waves crashing down on the shoreline
I wish you were once mine
But that's in my dreams.
The flowers bloom as soon as the sun rises
In fields of tussock grass along the hills
We’re intoxicated on blue and white pills
But that’s in my dreams.
We’re jumping from cloud to cloud
Holding hands and laughing
Music playing and we’re dancing
But that’s in my dreams.
The ocean is calling our name
As the yacht sails along the surface
I lean on your chest as it’s shirtless
But that’s in my dreams.
A sun sets over the mountains
Near the fire is where we lay
Right here is where we want to stay
But that’s in my dreams.
What’s not in my dreams
Is the fact that your dead
And I’m still in my bed
Because that’s the reality.
I take pills and liquor
To forget that day
I take pills to keep me awake
But it hurts too much so I stop.
That day it happened
You wrote me a letter saying you’d be back by three
Just in time to see me
But in the end that didn’t happen.
You didn’t come home
Instead, the police came to my door
They told me there was an accident, that’s when I fell to the floor
Because that’s the reality.
Since then I drink and smoke weed
I spend the nights home alone
Wishing that you’d call my phone
I sleep through the day and drink through the night
Your funeral was on a Sunday just two weeks after
I watched, hazily, from the front seat
Then returned back to my hotel suite
I lay in that bed for hours with no end.
The bar fridge no empty
As though it’s my heart
The pain won’t end and I’m torn apart
And that’s the reality.
I close my eyes one last time
I picture you on that bike going down the road
I read that letter you wrote
Then I close my eyes.
This time instead of no longer existing
You're still alive
And it’s summer mid-July
We’re at that beach, that mountain and on that boat.
My dreams our memories
Just twisted and faded
Because I’m high and I’m wasted
Just as I dream of your face.
You hold me and kiss me
You’re still here with me
Like it’s 2018 Sydney
There’s no fear and no worries.
Because in my dreams, you’re still here with me.
