Emotional Damage
A Short Story
Emptiness, it’s the first and only thing that she seems to wake up to in the morning. The sound of the traffic outside her doorstep replaces the sounds of her lover’s voice and muffled breaths. Her perfume sprayed all over her body, hiding the reminiscence of their skin that was pressed against her. She puts on a light tan blazer and a white dress, the colours reminding her of coffee that she needs to get on her way to work.
She stops by the corner coffee shop where she grabs her bagel and her Espresso. She stands there waiting for her order as she hears a table full of mothers discussing the ideologies of vegan ‘mommy bloggers’ and whether those diets are better for their children.
On her way to work, she looks into the green eyes of a stranger who stands opposite her on the train. Those eyes remind her of a field full of green dewy grass and wildflowers. When the stranger leaves, she feels that emptiness again.
Her job isn’t exciting. Its simple and basic, something that her twelve-year-old self would be disappointed in. An administrative assistant for men with wives or fiances, for women who love cats and their families. For people who live a life of ‘fulfilment’.
Their lives entail shiny silver cars, a nice house in an upper-middle-class suburb, they’re in relationships and have kids between the ages of one to thirteen. They go for drinks after work and they talk about the stock markets and Janet from accounting. About the affairs, they wish to have or the ones they’ve had. The type of sports channels they watch and whether they should meet up for a tennis match later.
As she walks home and gets back onto her train, the stranger with green eyes observes her. Her Estee Lauder perfume consuming the air. The girl knows this but walks away before he can even confront her.
On her way home there’s a local grocer at the end of her street. The sounds of a local radio station are softly played as she walks the aisles. The canned goods, the cold vegetables, the fruits wrapped in plastic bags. The way the cashier’s eyes look tired and drained of energy had reminded her of a time where she stayed up all night hoping that her lover would come back.
Emotionally Drained. That’s how she looks from the green eyes of a stranger as they watch her from across the train. They imagine her with a job someplace in a marketing firm or in a magazine. They picture her at home with a lazy bun, a loose white shirt and her body leaning against her kitchen bench with a cup of coffee in her hand.
She looks at the stranger and smiles. She pictures him working someplace laid back and fun, maybe a graphic design firm or some sort of art centre. She imagines that they take her dinner and they converse about serious topics- politics, the art theory between Van Gogh and street artists and what childhood traumas they share.
As she steps off at her platform she hears them chase her down. They say hey, she replies back. They ask if she’d like to meet for coffee… and she agrees.
She goes to her job, working with men who believe they are the next Steve Jobs. She works alongside women who love their children and are planning their weddings or anniversaries.
When she gets home her phone buzzes, their name pops up and they arrange plans.
That Saturday they meet for coffee at a quiet yet trendy coffee shop in the centre of the city. They converse in topics about themselves. Their jobs, they work as a creative director for an art gallery and she works as an administrative assistant. They think laws and politics need reform and she agrees.
The next Friday they go out for dinner, they talk about their lives. Who are their friends? What do they do? What are your hobbies?
Then they go back to her place.
Daddy Issues. That’s what makes ‘women good in bed’. The way they moan, the way they don’t care about what men do and what they say. Daddy Issues is a turn on for them. But her daddy issues come from the emotional damage of lovers before. When they touch her shoulder when she’s insecure, she moves away. When they make love to her, they want her to say ‘daddy’ and orgasm as soon as they cum. But this one is different. She notices it too.
He doesn’t beg her.
He doesn’t want her to feel insecure.
He sees her as a piece of art.
Not the sexual object that most men desired of her. He sees her as someone he loves.
And that was all she wanted.
